The Story So Far...

Funday

2006-08-31T09:48:00.000-07:00

It was Sunday afternoon; The Ganpati Festival had just begun today. This festival was introduced back in the day when India was under British Rule. One of the rules the British had in place probably during a certain period of time was that people were not allowed to mingle in groups out on the streets. So the people came up with an ingenious plan to ‘make up’ a festival in the name of religion. They came up with this festival, which involved carrying the statue of ganpati (the elephant god) around the city to the sounds of drums, singing and dancing; this created an opportunity for all people of various religions to freely mix with each other as one nation. The festival usually lasts for 10 days, after which, they take the statue to a river and drown it. This festival is practiced all across India till this day. You should see the statues, which are out on display. In the papers the other day, there was a statue which costs 4 Crore Rupees, which is a ridiculous amount of money. The statue was made out of gold, silver and embedded with diamonds. I think they strip the gold etc off before dumping it in the river, coz if they don’t I’m jumping straight in after it lol. To add to the loud drums, singing, dancing, colour, the majority of the city is also decorated in lights, just like the ones you see in Blackpool. Travelling anywhere during the festival is painstakingly slow, due to mad traffic.

I hate being stuck in doors, in UK I wouldn’t mind due to the crappy weather and lack of places to go, but not in India, I always want to be out and about. So I talked my wife into asking her best mate to take us out somewhere. We ended up at a Seesha joint in Bandra; my wife’s mate’s fiancé also joined us. Me and the soon to be husband got talking and he offered to take me on a little tour of Bandra on his motorbike. My face just lit up and I jumped on his bike before he even started it up. Most Bollywood stars have homes in Bandra including Amitabh Bachchan, Abhishek Bachchan, Shah Rukh Khan, Kareena Kapoor, Salman Khan – list just goes on. We drove past all these celebrity homes as he pointed out which house belongs to who etc. Once the little tour was over he began to drive faster and faster and faster lol. I wanted him to slow down just a little because I was getting scared lol. In fact I was fearing for my life. I just cannot put the experience in words, every 2 seconds I honestly felt that this is the time where we’re going to crash, I was holding on to the little bar behind my seat for dear life. I was quite baffled at how much I was shitting it as I am a speed freak, but I think the lack of protection i.e. no helmet, padding etc just brought me in a state of panic. However, the more I rode, the less scared I was, in the end I was buzzing of the thrill. It was this guy’s ability to weave in out of traffic; I haven’t seen dodging like this since the jammy days. This guy found any little space and he wouldn’t just quietly slip into it, he’ll full throttle it in. If there was no space on the roads, the pavement became his road and now we were dodging pedestrian’s lol. He was also oblivious to traffic lights, as he would just blast through them kicking the traffic warden on his way though lol. The sun was setting over the coast, the sky was this beautiful red, the fancy lights had now eluminated this little side of Mumbai, and there we were whizzing through this spectacular arrangemnts of flashing lights. My favourite part of the journey was along Carter Road, which is a road in Bandra along the coast line. This road wasn’t as busy as the rest and it is a nice straight stretch of road, often used for illegal bike races. I don’t know what speed we were doing on this road but it was fast. The wind blowing against my face was so intense, the sound of the wind crashing against my ears drowned out any other noise of traffic, car horns; instead all I was hearing were waves of wind crashing against my ears, the sound was incredibly loud. Next time, I’m fortunate enough to go for another ride, I definitely need to remember to take my camcorder lol just as long as I’m heavily strapped down to the bike with gaffa tape.

Before I sign off, one other incident took place last weekend, which I may as well mention. A group of us guys went out on Saturday last week, all of them colleagues from the UK. From amongst us, we have a Bollywood obsessed freak called Imran. I think his passion for Bollywood will kill him one day, we were in some shop in this mall, when Imran noticed some actress from a Indian drama series, here is his reaction:

Imran: (overcome with excitement, this actress has literally took his breath away-he managed the following few words) “Guys, Guys ..She’s Famous ..Oh my god, She’s famous ..Look, Look, quick!”

This lady just looked at him, and walked quickly away to avoid the attention. We were left to calm him down lol. I just thanked god that it wasn’t Amitabh Bachchan, poor guy would have been in a coma!

From the Beginning till Now

2006-08-24T05:10:00.000-07:00

I’ve been putting this off for quite some time now, the reason I’ve decided on writing now is for the simple that I’m due to go back home in a few weeks and if I haven’t posted one post at least on the blog, I’m in for an ass-whupping from you know who you are.

So much to write, many random thoughts going through my head right now. I need to really split all this up just to make it easier for me to write resulting hopefully in making it easier and less gruesome for you to read. I’ve never been a good writer at all, especially after reading so many quality blogs out there, so precise and meticulously written. Perhaps this is one of the reasons I’ve been putting this off, so my little note to you all is read this purely for the content and not for the style etc because you wont find it here ..Unfortunately!

Ok, let the show begin, firstly a brief intro as to what this post is about, why I'm writing it and where I'm writing from.

Intro

I’m in India, Mumbai to be exact, sent by my company as part of their outsourcing malarkey to try and train people on the processes which are being migrated over to here. There are quite a few of us who have travelled to India around 50+. We are all staying for varied amounts of time ranging from 1 week to 6 months working across two sites. One in Mumbai and the other in Pune, which is around 3/4 hours from Mumbai.

Journey

I hate flights, my ears go partially deaf and I feel ill, needless to say it’s the worst part of any holiday of mine. The plus point is we were booked into the Premium Economy Class, which was quite nice. We had the whole section to ourselves and the service was brilliant too. I had it all planned out; get on the plane and go to sleep, arrive in Mumbai and wake up. Cool plan huh? Did it work? Nope, instead, I stayed awake for the entire 9 and something hours of the journey. We arrived in Mumbai at 1 in the morning, I was dreading going through the immigration based on past experiences. The last time I came to India was 2 years ago. We got off the plane and had to walk what seemed like miles before entering in a room with 6 immigration desks, 3 for Foreigners and 3 for Indian Nationals. And boy, was it packed in there, there was barely enough space to stand and it took hours. Anyways we got off the plane and entered into the airport. We walked and walked until we reached the end of the corridor, and we turned left into a massive hall, I thought to myself this can’t be right, looked above my head at the sign clearly indicating that it was Immigration. I sighed the biggest sigh of relief. This place was the size of two football fields with hundreds of desks. We breezed through immigration and the rest was just formalities. We were out of the airport well within the hour.
Waiting for us outside were big signs with our names printed on them, I waved at them and they were away with our luggage in no time loading them into the car. Some local coolies also lifted a few bags into the car and expected a tip, lol, they’ve already started I thought to myself and gave them 5 quid and left 10 of them fighting over it.

Hotel

The drive to the hotel was quite reflective. I’ve been down these roads many times. This drive however, I saw lots of new roads which were a lot wider, new shopping malls, but at the same time, there were still so many people of all ages sleeping rough. I thought to myself well things haven’t changed that much I didn’t really expect it to really. It’s going to take a lot more than 2 years for these kinds of drastic improvements to take place. At first glance, the 5 star hotel was very impressive, the room was quite decent too, just a bit small for my liking especially as this was going to be my ‘home’ for next 5 months. I checked in and went to one of my colleagues room who has arrived in India a week before. He gave me a tour of the hotel at 3 in the morning. The facilities at the hotel has were very good; it includes a state of the art gym with personal trainers, sauna, steam room, jacuzzis, swimming pool, 4 restaurants, a night club, several massage rooms and hairdressers.

The Pros

1. Restaurant is delicious
2. Love the Idea of your room getting freshened twice a day, towels, bed sheets the works
3. Gym and personal Instructor service
4. The pool is perfect for those humid days and also the rainy days. Swimming when its absolutely slogging it down is a must have experience. It’s so cool. The hotel staff think were crazy when we head for the pool, as soon as it starts raining. There’s some things money cant buy this is definitely one of them. Somebody once stopped us and said it’s raining outside you’ll get wet. I’m like well were going for a swim, that’s the whole idea buddy lol. Weirdo!

The Cons

1. The hotel looks stunning at first glance, but when you really inspect the little things as you will staying in the place for so long, you will soon realise the finishing touches are done by a bunch of cowboys. E.g. Most of the hotel is marble and when the paint around the marble, they've painted the bleedin' marble as well lol
2. My shower enclosure leaks so badly, it may as well not be there. I've changed rooms 3 times and it's the same in all the rooms. I've changed rooms again; this one has no problems yet!
3. The Service isn't very consistent. Some times you get exceptional service, other times it is so poor.
4. The chef who makes my eggs in the morning always fries my egg on both sides. I've told the dumb idiot one side only, but she loves flipping that egg over. I'm going to flip her in that frying pan next time.
5. Lastly, and this probably shouldn't be in this list coz after all it is a 5 star hotel, but I'm going to put it in anyways. The hotel is ridiculously expensive. 1 can of coke cost like Â£2.50, to wash say for instance a pair of underwear cost Rs.80 which is around a pound. You may as well buy a new pair.

Work

We have two offices, which are situated on the same road about 5 minutes drive apart. Both offices are surprisingly very modern and spacious. You wouldn't really expect it to be as nice looking as the exterior of the building, which is not too bad either. The offices, I have to admit are even better than our office back in the UK; one couldn't imagine that this is India- a third world country as such. The office has many floors, different floors for different outsourcing projects. Don't know if this is confidential but who cares some of the contracts which the company I'm working with here in India have included British Airways, Tesco's, Virgin, FedEx, the list goes on.

As you enter the building a security guard will check your bags for Mobile Camera phones, MP3 Players, Storage devices etc for data protection purposes. Now they don't really check my bags they just verbally ask me and it sounds so funny, especially this little lady with big glasses wearing a security uniform which nearly drowns here, as I walk past her desk she will blurt out 'Sir, Camera Phone, DVD, MP3,USB,CD?' all in one single burst ..now try for yourself, repeat that, in your best Indian accent as quickly as you like. When asked this, I say no I don't, somehow I don't think she believes me and asks me if I'm sure and then repeats it again lol, I'm like stop lady I heard you the first time I don't have any of that (except my camera phone and ipod lol), got a feeling a strip search is coming up soon lol

I'm not going to bore you with the job part, therefore going to skip it.

I will mention one thing though. When I arrived there were still few processes yet to go live. I.e. The staff were still under training; once they finish the training they have a 'Graduation Ceremony' to mark the occasion before going live. The graduation ceremonies we've attended were pretty funky and original. Lots of dances, lil plays, fashion shows, talent contests etc was a laugh to say the least. Imagine organising something like this back in the UK?

"Ok Steven you're going to do a dance in front of the rest of group on stage for the graduation" Steven: "Am I bollocks like!! You can do a dance yourself you fat ***, maybe flop your belly around little!!" lol.

The guys over here fight with each other and I don't mean like real fighting, to perform on graduation. The desire these people have is incredible for everything be it work or partying.
Have another graduation to go to tomorrow, should be fun!
Flood, Riots and Bombings

Floods

What can I say, I’ve been here for a mere 6 weeks and so much has happened in such a short time. When I first arrived here it didn't rain for around 2 weeks, then the first lot of rain fell and fell and fell. I tell you what happens when rain pours like nobody’s business. The main reason why these floods occur is because constant rain will eventually lead to dams overflowing. Once this happens the destruction this may cause or should I say can cause can be extremely devastating. Other contributing factors are the drainage and sewers. The drainage on the roads are quite adequate and should be sufficient to deal with the rains. The problem arises when people shove anything and everything down them. The other problem is that in India the sewerage is exposed and even that gets used as a dumping place. So when it rains the water cannot drain properly and also the sewers overflow before you know it the roads are the sewers. Quite disgusting it is.

The most disgusting sight I saw was, a bunch of people standing over a bridge diving into an over flown sewer. They actually went underwater swam to the other end with their heads in the water came out the other side and spat the water out ..Eeuurrgghhh, just pure nastiness!! If I ever tried that, not that I ever will but say I got thrown into it, I'd probably die the next day from some crazy disease, coz that's what these stagnant waters on the roads produce. The funny thing was when it did start raining, after the second day, there were no signs of floods and the papers were boasting about how the Indian government have solved the rain issue and how it’s not going to flood blah blah. One of the papers had this on the front page: Pictures of last years devastating floods and in big bold letters 'Never Again!' Guess what happened a few days later floods everywhere lol, although it was nowhere as bad as last year, but in some place the water was knee high, some waist high and some even neck high. We were told to stay in the hotel until the floods cleared meaning no work, nothing; we were to be confined within the hotel grounds.

As good as it sounds being off work it was 3 long days, I was just getting bored silly, after all there's only so much time u can spend sleeping, or in the gym or in the pool. Spent most of the time watching DVD's and watching the news wishing for the floods to go so normalcy can be resumed. On the news there were pictures of missing people, distraught families. Elderly people caught up amongst these floods, Mumbai had come to a standstill. Pumps were put wherever possible to pump the water off the roads; train lines were also jammed because most of the train lines were underwater. Looking outside my room window, the view isn't very pleasant. I see lots of shanty towns which were all flooded, people with buckets trying to get the water out, children as young as 3 carrying little buckets also helping their parents. Witnessing scenes like these, all one can do is praise and thank the creator for keeping one safe with all the luxuries apart from being able to go out , which you just complain about because it becomes so unimportant and trivial compared to all the hardships others are going through.

This, however, was very minor compared to the floods in Mumbai last year. The whole of Mumbai was flooded in a matter of 4 hours. I've heard many accounts from various people regarding those few horrific days. My cousin and a few people from work were trying to explain the severity of the rain fall. One girl described it as sheets of water falling from the sky that we weren't able to see objects in front of you at arms length. Subhanallah, can you imagine that? My driver a few days ago was telling me accounts of what he has seen and heard. He recalls one particular evening where he was sat at a friends house watching TV, when water just broke through the wall sweeping all the furniture, TV, everything in its path away. Fortunately though, no-one was hurt. One of the Managers at the company I'm working for at the moment was recalling a very sad incident about someone living in his area. A man, together with his wife and son were travelling somewhere with their driver during these floods. They had just bought a brand new, expensive car. The traffic had come to a halt as the water level was rising rapidly. The driver suggested to get out of the car and walk to safety. The man insisted that he cannot abandon his new car and told the driver to go if he wished, but he and his family are staying put. Water had seeped into the car rising all the time damaging the battery resulting in central locking failure. The man could not bear to smash the glass of his new car. The occupants of that car drowned! Isn’t it sad, when you hear things like that? How materialistic can people get that they risk everything for what? A piece of metal? It’s so true you will die in the manner you have lived!

In Mumbai, people will never leave valuables in the car, even for a split second, because as soon as their backs are turned for a minute you my as well give the keys to the local thieves. A rare exception occurred during these floods, people where leaving their expensive cars abandoned with all their valuables in them laptops, shopping, anything as they prepared to walk to safety in knee, waist or even neck deep water for what could potentially be miles. Not a single item was stolen. Local thieves who would cherish an opportune moment like this were too busy helping people. In tragic events like these it is one of the plus points to witness the unity of residents of Mumbai. Regardless of Religion, Race, Sect, they all come together as one to come through whatever it may be. If only people behaved like that all the time. What a place it could be. Like all things, unfortunately, good things just do not last

Riots

I don’t know if this was shown on the news in the UK, but soon after the floods, riots broke out in Mumbai which just lasted a day but the damage and chaos caused was quite substantial.

What caused the chaos? Right, Ok, Don’t laugh at this now lol. It was a big political stunt pulled by a political party “The Shiv Sena". This party just operates in Mumbai and basically the whole reason their in existence is so that can have power over Mumbai. The past few years they have been out of the limelight and I guess this Riot was caused to bring them back in the Media and in the eyes of the people. On one Sunday morning a few weeks back the statue of the mother of the leader of the party had some mud flung on her statue. The rest is as you say history!! People in orange clothing (members/followers) of the group went around Mumbai, beating people, burning cars, causing damage to shops, carnage everywhere. They issued a warning to the Police later that day, which was broadcasted on the News and splashed across the Media that if they didn’t catch whoever disrespected the Statue, they would cause chaos in Mumbai. Guess what happened two days later? The bombings! I'm not saying they caused it but when the bombings did take place there name wasn't even entertained for a second, which I thought was weird, especially after that threat!

Bombings

This particular day I was quite ill, woke up with the most severe headache I have ever had. I don’t tend to get ill alhamdulillah, but since coming India I have probably got ill more times than I have ever done in my life. I took the day off work and went to the doctors early afternoon, only to find it was shut and the surgery re-opened at 6pm. I came back at after 6pm, was seen to by the doctor, got my medicine and was out by 7ish. I tired to get a rickshaw back home and no-one would take me. I didn’t think much of it. I kept on walking down the road, thinking that there’s more chance of catching a Rickshaw from the main road.

Eventually, after asking possibly the 23rd rickshaw driver, one of them nodded his head in the affirmative when I revealed to him the destination I would like to go to. I jumped right in before he changed his mind and off we went. I saw herds of people just walking down the roads; this was clearly not an ordinary evening. People were out there giving bananas to every passer by, some handing out bottles of water, other stopping cars, buses, trucks, anything that is faster that walking and showing pedestrians in them. I just didn’t know what to make of what I was seeing, and I didn’t even think of asking the driver. I thought the people of Mumbai have suddenly become extremely kind and caring towards one another lol, usually they couldn’t give a rat's ass, they are just too busy with their own thing.

I saw these types of scenarios on every road and on every corner till I reached home. As I walked towards the house I could hear the news blaring, opened the door and everyone rushed to see who it was, they saw me, the look on their faces, just pure relief. I was like what's up, then I found out what had just happened. No body could contact me, well, nobody could contact anybody. All lines were jammed. Apparently they jam the phone networks on purpose to stop rumours. What Bollocks!! The time you would probably need the use of your mobile phone the most, that’s the time they decide to make it useless. Work had been trying to contact me since 8.30ish straight after the bombings, as I was the only guy from all of the staff who have travelled to India from the UK who was unaccounted for. I couldn’t even phone anyone to tell them I was safe and well. Managers from my work had phoned my parent in the UK to tell them I was lost lol, imagine the state of them. At around 10ish after redialling till my 'R' had faded out I got through to one of my colleagues and told him to quickly let everyone now I was safe and well and I just went to the doctors. I then phoned home and clamed them down, phoned my seniors at Pune, confirming I was alive and well. Till this date when I get introduced to new people travelling from the other offices to ours, upon hearing my name, I often get the response "Weren't you the guy who caused a big uproar during the Bombings" lol

Jokes aside, this was a very unfortunate day. Six or something bombs went off at different train stations minutes apart at peak times causing hundreds of people to die injuring thousands. Pictures, which were being shown on News channels, were not for the faint hearted. Limbs and bodies scattered everywhere. Body counts rising by the minute like they were mere numbers.

The scenes that were shown on the news were heart numbing and wrenching. Bodies and injured people being carried out from the wreckages, survivors looking around for their loved ones. Survivors mourning the losses of their parents, siblings, children, friends. I always wondered, that people responsible for this must watch the result of their evil actions on the News. How must they feel, would there be any remorse? Especially when they see pictures of little a little child, lost, looking for his/her father, or scenes of a mother crying over the body of her baby. Surely, being the cause of scenes like that must have an effect?! If they don’t, I seriously fear for generations to come, if society is producing monsters like that! May Allah make it easy for us and future generations till Qiyamah, Ameen!

Freestyle

Here I’m just going to ramble on about things which may or may have not fitted into the categories above...

I came back from work last night and was flicking through the News Channels. There was a story of a boy who was involved in an incident. I don’t know how long ago this incident took place, but a huge fire had broken out at Victoria Park, which was deliberate. I don’t even know which city it was. Anyway, this 10 year old boy was playing with his friends at that time and got knocked over by people trying to flee from the fire. He wasn't injured or anything. He was probably left a little dazed. Since that day, this boy has been having problems. He has developed a split personality in the name of 'Annah'. A 30 year old Gangster of some sort. The news reporter was interviewing 'Annah', the interview was shocking. This 10 year old buy was confessing that he had caused the fire for 20 lakh rupees. He needed the money for boozing, gambling, drugs and women. Interview went on for some time, he was talking like he was hypnotised. Quite weird. Then they interview him as his normal self, and he sounded just like a normal 10 year old saying this guy called 'Annah': terrorises him and asks him for money etc. If you ask me, he's got some big fat evil Jinn in him. Someone dial 786, and call the Mufti lol.

There are so many weird and wonderful stories on the News and in the Media, I could write a separate blog on just that. But until then here's an extract from yesterdays Mumbai Mirror;

'Worli Housewife asks Driver to knock down neighbour after she finds her Parking space blocked.'
Enraged at her parking space being blocked, a Worli housewife instructed her driver to ram the car right into the offending neighbour, landing Ritu Bhasin, the victim, in hospital with spinal injuries.
Too many big cars, too little space. Combine this with bloated egos and short tempers and you have a contemporary tale.

Lol, what a way to resolve parking space disputes ...Run 'em over!!

This weekend I went to visit my relatives in Gujarat. It was a pleasant change; I think I needed a change from that posh stuff back in Mumbai; 5 star hotel, drivers, A/C and all that. Now I travelled on train, all tired and sticky. Then Rickshaw, Motorbike, Clamped out car; this is more like it lol. Spent most of time hammering around on my cousin's motorbike. I just love it, there’s no form of transport like it. The only thing that comes close is on a train, standing by the door hanging out lol

First night I stayed at my aunties. She lives in a very, very small village; entrance to the front door is through herds of buffalos, cows and chickens. That night, boy, did I miss my room. Mosquito's had a right feast on me, didn't sleep all night. In the morning I was covered in bites. Next day spent the day shopping in Surat, which is the latest victim of the floods. Some places were as much as 20ft in water as per some reports. When I was in Surat it was raining but not enough for such a catastrophe to occur, hundred of people have lost their lives and thousands, their homes. I saw on the news the bridge we cross on the train, when we look down from the bridge the water is along way away. The picture I saw on the news showed the water a few inches away from the tracks, one could just imagine the consequences such a major rise could have. It’s very difficult to understand the government as they know that will face possible floodings, and yet they do nothing about it not even a warn people. I said this before, but it’s so true, I do appreciate our Government despite all their dictatory actions. I’d like to think if we were ever unfortunate enough to face similar situations like this, they would do a better job than here.

Before I forget, I saw one of the most horrific accidents ever! I was on a rickshaw, not far from the hotel. I saw the traffic was swerving something which lay on the road. As we approached closer I saw a man with no head, blood, guts, meat all visible in his neck. His helmet was further along the road, in which, I presume was his head. I haven't been able to get this image out of my mind. I always thought I had a strong stomach, not any more!! What really baffled me was no-one was there, it was like a dead animal on the road. A stark contrast to the reaction I saw during the floods and the bombings, this time no-one cared. Weird! This accident was caused because the headless, before the incident was riding along and he slipped, a garbage truck went over his neck, resulting in what I had seen. One of the many dangers of riding in the monsoon, seen so many accidents not as serious as that though. One little incident I saw, and it is funny how these Indians react after a road incident not even an accident. Back in the UK it’s usually very formal, both parties step out of their vehicles have a chat, exchange details and off they go. Simple, right? The Incident I saw was at traffic lights. A guy in a car touched the car in front in which, the driver was a lady. The lady stormed out of her car, dragged the guy outside and started cussing him in all the swear words under the sun, whilst beating on him with her hand, stomping on him, passers by also joined in just for the hell of it lol. How cruel is that? It was just a little touch, which is expected, especially given the style of driving in India. I see this every other day. Absolute bonkers!

So many other things I can write about, but its going to get too, too long, plus I will be writing again, so I probably should save them for next time. I will be returning back to the UK on the 2nd of September, hopefully no incidents such as today "Foiled Bomb Attempts" as 30 odd people from India were supposed to travel back to UK for their breaks only to find all flights are delayed for at least 48 hours. I will be returning back to India on the 15th September till beginning of November, in which period I have a few trips planned including Goa. So for now Adios People, and hopefully, next time I have nicer things to write about :) hope this hasn't been a bore!!